This study observes extramarital relationship of urban middle-aged women in China. Twelve women were interviewed about their experience and attitude of their extramarital relationship. The main motivation to be involved in the extramarital relationship is the discontent with the marriage or their own liberal attitude about the sexual life. When motivated by the discontent with the marriage, women seek their identity in being loved and cared by the extramarital partners. It is, however, defined as the voluntary conformation to the patriarchy decorated with the romantic love. When motivated by the liberal attitude about the sexual life, women themselves control the extramarital relationships so that the extramarital sexuality should not intrude into the realm of their marriage. Chinese women do not express any guilt of their conjugal infidelity. Instead, they care more about the stigma given by others both on themselves and on their parents/children. The individualistic ideology of the romantic love and the sexual self-determination is mixed with the Chinese peculiar social experience, the traditional ‘shame culture’, and the responsibility-oriented family ideology, in resulting the current pattern of the Chinese urban middle-aged women’s extramarital affairs.